Hi! My name is Destiny’s Child and I’m looking to sublease in your neighborhood from ASAP until forever! I got kicked out of my last sublease for being too ethereal and t fired from my art history internship for the same reason, so I’m going to have a completely open schedule for nightly roomie bonding and cute summer-y adventures!
If you can’t already tell from my Facebook profile pic of me giving my cousin a DIY root canal last winter in our backyard (the snow acted as a great numbing solution as it gradually waterboarded her) then I’m not ashamed to say it; I’m fearless and flirty and more than just a little fun!
Key points about me:
⭐️I’m of a creative essence and very into the arts. I love to sing, paint, and get a good look at the sky.
⭐️I have a low hip to waist ratio. (You’ll notice this pretty early on.)
⭐️I keep mostly nocturnal hours, so I won’t get in your way in the kitchen while you’re cooking dinner unless you really want me to 😉
⭐️If your place has one bathroom you should know I’m fine showering at dawn or dusk or any ANY hour, but I would prefer us to reserve our shower slots at least 48 hours in advance*. I also know life is a fickle whore so I’m sure our time slots will just happen to overlap at some point.
⭐️The depth of my being has yet to be found. (Maybe you could be the one to find it, future roomie!)
Here’s what I’m looking for in a roommate:
Some absolute essentials are someone with a fuller bottom lip, an extensive spice rack, and a body count between 4 and 15.
I would prefer living with someone who compels me to grind on it– “it” being my growing splatter paint collection. My dream is to have an exhibit of my own paintings in the downtown art gallery off of Broadway and Spruce one day. It’s totally a reachable goal, but sometimes I need a bit of a shove to get it going.
As long as these specific needs are met I’m very chill and easy to get along with. I don’t leave the water running while I brush my teeth. I’ve been told several times on different occasions I move like a cat; real quiet and stealth. I have experience giving at home dental work. I always wash my dishes before placing them in the dishwasher. Need I say more?
If this sounds like a match, DM me!😘
Xxx D.C.
*cancellation policy: cancellations are considered late if a roommate does not cancel or reschedule a shower slot within 36 hours prior to the reservation time. Late cancellations will result in something I tried to type out, but Facebook flagged my post and temporarily deactivated my account. Hopefully this won’t even have to be a discussion.
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