To all the drug-dealing white boys I’ve loved before
Here’s why I wish you weren’t my type anymore
How come all the men who avoid the clit
Are the ones who’re too pussy to commit?
To the guys who always go straight for the choke,
If you wanna feel manly just grab the check– oh wait you’re broke
I love a man who can’t pay his rent
Give me one in his thirties who looks like he lives in a tent
If he can’t afford lube, don’t let him use olive oil
Ladies, your man should treat you like a queen, not a London broil
Some guys love shower sex, which requires nimbleness to nut
At least it’s an excuse to scrape the barnacles off his butt
Whenever he sent a dick pic the lighting sucked
Is that a pig in a blanket, or the little guy tucked?
Remember the Coldplay concert affair that ruined two people’s lives?
Why is it always mid-looking men who try to have two wives?
The philly subway reeks of tobacco and weed and some mystery smell
It reminds me how I’m so attracted to guys who belong in a prison cell
My cousin gasped when she saw a photo of the last guy I liked a lot
“Claire, if he came up to me on the street I’d call the cops… and that bitch would get caught”
Never fuck a guy who likes to wear crocs.
He will try to fuck you, while wearing crocs.
I dated a frat boy who loved to smoke cigarettes and drive drunk
I crashed his car to get him out of his funk
“Chill! Chill!” He yelled, as his truck’s bumper hit the pole
Which is also what I said to him when he was in a K-hole.
One guy on the west coast couldn’t get it up
“I must’ve done too much coke today,” he said. “That’s it, yup.”
“Cocaine on a Sunday?” I asked, giving up on the sex
“Sometimes,” he said with a shrug, like it was a subtle flex
As I write this I’m single once more
Which I know is what I need right now, in my core
So to all the drug-dealing white boys I’ve loved before
You all were fun, but frankly a fuck boi’s a bore.
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